I was at floydfest with nick. there was something involved where like it was my mom's birthday and we had to find a present for her, and I was gonna go with a baby owl statue which for some reason in the dream was like, perfect. but it was night and we were sneaking into a vender's tent that was all closed up just ot look at the baby owl selection to we could get it first thing in the morning or something. then we started talking and laughing about something, and then nick kissed me. at first I was like "mm no.. we shouldn't.." but then he was just like "don't be silly" and I realized he was right, because there was too much chemistry between us to even bother hanging out and talking and laughing if we weren't gonna do something about it. so we made out some and then the lady whose tent it was found us and kicked us out, though she seemed good-humoured. I went to meet nick at the tent - there was some weird part about some neighboring tent people having a little swimming hole and I swam with them. and then somehow I was in some sorta dorm where I lived, though it was more of a communal-living deal, like we all knew each other and were a community- more intentionally than in a dorm. Nick and I went to my room presumably to sleep together, but I had to go to the bathroom first. I went and Madison's boyfriend was there, and someone else, and I had to wait in line a while. On the way back I was coming in through the front door I guess, and some people were sitting out front gossiping, apparently there was something going on inside (where my room was.) they said idly something like. yeah it's crazyI hate conflict like this. but on the other hand, it's nice to see brian going to war over something (metaphorically). and I heard them and was like "oh shit... brian came home early.. fuck" and ran down the hall to my room and sure enough, brian had come home and gone to the room and found nick there waiting for me.. it was late at night, I guess, and really obvious why nick was there. anyway, it was all dramatic - nick just left and whatever, but brian was obviously super pissed and I desperately tried to stop him from storming out too, I finally detained him in the front yard and we were standing there facing each other, me pleading and desparate to make him talk to him, him just smoldering saying "what the fuck, caitlin" but at least he was standing there and not leaving and I could maybe make him talk to me. I woke up with that vivid moment in my brain, of me holding on to him trying to make him stay and talk to me, him just really angry and disappointed in me basically just emmitting one big "waht the fuck" accusation. but what I woke up remembering most was how sexy he'd been in the dream, with a thin cotton shirt and his hair in pigtails. I don't htink he had a beard, I don't rememebr. I just remember being really attracted to him right htere, maybe his anger too, and wanting to seduce him but knowing that he was very rightfully pissed and hurt and I had to find a way to explain myself first and if I tried to seduce him them it would just seem like some cheap cop-out.

I could see dead people (ciego was first with a red eye). People I knew (in the dream) showed up with grey pasty faces and sunk in eyes with dark rings. I hated their presence. The more I hung out with them the 'deader' I became- getting noticeably paler and such. I had to go with them to visit Lily but I knew if I went I'd end up totally dead so I said a heartfelt goodbye to my mother. In the end I was a doctor and one particularly scary dead person was yelling at me but then he sank into a wall and all the dead people disappeared and I was still alive.
There was also some side note about how cars ran.. like the engine cooked while it drove and grits were involved.

another one: there was a trap door in the wall of some house that I was at a party at. I heard there was the ghost of a girl through it. some people (Lauren and David and someone else) had gone through and I went to join them. I didn't really believe in the ghost or that I would notice anything but when I went through I saw glowing red eyes and heard her voice and felt her presence. I panicked but everyone else had made it without turning back so I did too. I remember there being some debate later about whether or not I should be afraid of her. someone else contested that she was sweet and innocent but I didn't really trust her. in the end though I think I realized I was wrong.

there were parallel universes and me and a partner or something were like law and order SVU agents. we found ourselves in a parallel universe, and I had to solve a rape/murder mystery, but I didn't know what the mystery WAS.
I started going down the river with some people from OP but we got stuck in a whirlpool thing and had to just end the trip and climb up on shore. We were all in a building later. I looked out the window and saw a giant specter of a bear walking towards the building. people were like "whaaat" until they saw it, too. They said, well it's a bear so it will have to stay on the ground. But it was enourmous and it jumped and started to smash through the window in front of us. It was clearly malicious, and I just straight turned around and started sprinting and practically flying down the stairs, leaving everyone behind and hoping they were all doing the same. I got to the bottom and there was some weird thing about spirits: was I alive? was I dead? was my father? a little girl came in and sat next to me, and I thought she was definitely dead because no one else could see her, and she was my father's spirit, because he was on the top floor where the bear came in and died.. or something. I don't know.
There was more.

I go back to visit Lore. Milo has grown a lot and can talk in complex and grammatically advanced sentences, though no one seems as impressed by this as I am. He has mood swings, and will sometimes but sweet and loving and sometimes cop an attitude and be condescending and violent. He wants a window in his room but Lore doesn't want to give him one, in case someone tries to kidnap him by sneaking in through it and sneaking back out with him. All of this is explained to me by Milo. I tell him he's very intelligent and he looked proud - not so much cause I called him smart, but because he knows he is. Everyone is dressed very nicely for thanksgiving (which is coming again), and Lore is preparing to take him out for a walk. She looks lovely.

Someone tells me about some party down Nellie's Cave and I go, but it's horrible, I don't know or like anyone there. It's in a moving train through some dark woods. I walk the whole length of the train. For a brief moment I think I must have known I was in a dream, because I remember thinking to myself how incredible it was all the detail I could notice and remember from a dream. People are doing drugs and shit but gross ones, and I later learn their math teacher has reported them to the police. I see my dad and he looks unpleasantly surprised to see me there, I expect he'll be giving me a talk later.

Dreams I've jotted down in my sketchbook and such:

A mother, a father, a daughter, a son. The father is neglectful and rarely home, and also somewhat abusive when he is home. The mother always intended to keep him away from the children, but when he came home he always found his way back into their lives. He would herd them into a car and drop them off at an airport, each with a piece of paper with their foreign assignments, generally involving the retrieval of valuable artifacts. THe mother and daughter were on their way to Southern Mexico, dunno about the son. There was some awkward sexual tension between the son and daughter. A bystander commented on their intermingling auras.

Me and Erin in her home, which is a trailer. Zach calls and says we were supposed to meet him somewhere and he waited but we never came. I realized I never went to Rocky Horror and I was supposed to meet some people there. I went to the theatre, but it was pretty abandoned - Cory was still there, though. But he didn't want to swim naked in the nearby pool with me and Erin, who had not even bothered to wear clothes to the show. An Across-the-Universe-esque artistic naked swimming scene ensued.

I had jumped in front of a train but somehow survived. For a long time I was deformed and couldn't walk right. Nobody wanted to look at me or talk to me, so I felt like I was basically dead. THen one day I discovered I actually walked and looked very normal, and it was like being reborn, or discovering that I had been alive all along. I think there was a part of me, though, that felt like I should have died and I became obsessed with the idea of jumping in front of trains and never really understood how one could do so and not be killed.

Me, Alice Cennamo, and some other dude make a major archaeological discovery- under an altar at a throne, pushed beneath the ground, are all the bones of messengers and servants they have slain. They want to keep it a secret, but I want to tell people, hoping to make money to pay for school. I argue with Ed over whether it is morally wrong to make such a discovery public.

Me and Brian are fighting in a war, which is tied in somehow with VPI, which is tied in somehow with international or almost cosmic intrigue. It actually just starts off with us fucking in my old bedroom, but we are interrupted by the call of duty. I remember something about smuggling a car out of a parking lot/garage that is under surveillance, and something about a very harrowing journey crawling up a steep slope in the rain, and a very heroic baby we had been working with being killed in some gruesome way.

I was playing the recorder. Sometimes I hit a particular note well, but I can't switch notes without it sounding screechy and weird. Then I go see Lore and Justin, after not having seen them in many years. There is one kid they had back in the day, a sweet little girl I love. But she wasn't the 'real' kid, the one they'd been waiting for, so when the new one came they were going to put the old one to sleep. They could only have one kis, or only waned one, but I kept being like, she's not a dog, can't you at least just give her away or something?

And a fragment with weird alien shoes that made you float and dance, like ddr kinda but weird and futuristic and the shoes controlled you. the rays made me sore, like electric currents. I woke up and my arms were sore.

most lucid dream I've ever had. about 5 teeth fell out ( I was in the dorm and there was one that had been loose for a while, and when I pulled it out, all the surrounding teeth fell out.) For a moment I was horrified, and then it clicked in my mind that that's the thing that always happens in my nightmares and I'm always asking people about. so I did what it said in the book, which is to force myself to assume I was dreaming even though it didn't feel like a dream. for a while I wandered around and told people I was dreaming and made out with/had sex with various people because I've been deprived in real life... so I guess that was on my mind.... haha. I kept repeating that this was a dream and struggling not to lose either my lucidity or to wake up. at one point I'm walking down some stairs and there's this man behind me I don't recognize. I remember the book saying that when you meet people in dreams, you should ask them what they mean or why they're there so you can learn why you're dreaming about them. so I turned around and said excuse me, but I'm dreaming, and I'm wondering who you are. so he smiles kindly and says he's been waiting for me to ask. I'm so excited to learn from him and we take a seat. but he doesn't begin to speak, and other people keep showing up and interrupting.. they're all people I don't recognize either, and I Know I need their stories too and they're here to give them, but right now I want to hear the old man speak and nobody is letting him. he's coughing more and more, and every time he does start to speak he's losing his voice. I'm starting to worry both about his health and his ability to tell me what I want to know. finally he sends out a text message to one of the girls in the group. she looks at it and gasps, looking panic-stricken.. I ask what it says. it says that Wendy's Frosties have been deliberately contaminated with a lethal poison by our government. That's why he's ill, he had one. So that seems to be the end of him or at least is what he was struggling to say, and I'm like "well... surely that very important, but it has no personal bearing on me, and I wanted to know what he could tell me about my subconscious or something." but I don't complain because I feel selfish. then there's some more just going about town and whatnot. at one point I'm talking to Brian online, and I tell him I'm dreaming. He asks why I haven't like summoned him yet, though, if I have control, and I said I'd tried but I didn't have that much control, and if he wants to be in my dream he should come here. he said the most he could do was make his face appear on the computer screen, which he did, and I kissed it, and I woke up.

I was (habitually) hanging out with James - Mattea's friend from Radford. He had a friend name Caitlin, I believe, who would call me too. He washed dishes in his own house for a living. I was with them outside somewhere, hearing Cher speak. Adrian and some other friend of Mattea's was there, too. Cher was saying something about not following rules, I dunno. She had some people construct this weird pyramid structure to demonstrate the interconnectedness of all people. Then she went around introducting herself to all people. Later I was inside this building, like a daycare sorta place that was nearby where Cher had been speaking. There was this baby, and it was adorable and super super intelligent, like could work computers, and I was weirded out kinda, like, this baby will be typing fluently by the age of 2. And its father was there, and the father was sooo proud of the baby. But then I started to feel weird about it, like the baby was TOO smart, like a monster kinda. The father was rollerskating around the baby turned on this camera that would follow the father's every movement. The father started yelling at the baby not to turn on that camera, which was called the Suicide camera, but the baby did anyways. Then the father turned a corner and went down some stairs, but fell. As he was falling down the stairs in his rollerblades, he bashed his head on many corners and such, and the camera captures all of it in incredible detail and slow motion. I ran after him and found him at the bottom of the stairs totally bashed and bloody and with like some bones hanging out, some of which had been caught on the door. I was freaking out, he told me to hand him his bones so he could put them back in. But I was afraid I would break them- they were very delicate looking - and insisted on calling for help even though he told me not to. I told someone I needed serious medical help for someone and they called for help, but the doctors who worked at this daycare all basically lost interest as soon as they realized it wasn't a child in question. THey were impressed and distracted by his smart kid. I kept telling them - SERIOULY, this guy is dying, he needs help, and they were like "yeah, yeah..." and took their time, procrastinating, clearly with no intention if really helping. Eventually though, the man kind of crawled over to his bones and put them back and basically reconstructed himself perfectly. His face looked handsome again, even, not mutilated (there was one face bone that had been missing). I really admired his bravery/toughness not to mention ability to perform facial reconstruction on himself.

nightmare: I can't remember the details that well because I woke up in the middle of the night, but it was very scary. There were zombies or something.. just like, 30 of them, and me and a group of people from blacksburg had to kill them. we HAD to, but we couldn't tell anyone, and it was like murder, because they were conscious of being themselves at the same time- like the zombies were formerly real people, and now they were rabid and dangerous but still not themselves, not just CORPSES, so while we were killing them they were trying to tell us not to. but we did, and then we had all of their corpses and we had to do something with them. I don't remember the reasoning behind it, but it came that we had to climb up this very, very ,very tall pine trees with the corpses and tie them to the tops of the trees. the first time I cilmbed one, I looked down, and I couldn't see the ground, only stars. Part of the idea was that their bodies would be out of hte way.. actually, come to think of it, maybe we did this while they were still zombies, the idea being they would be out of the way but if they fell, they would surely die from the impact with the ground, so either way we were safe. But when the corpses fell, we had to deal with them all mutilated and bloody from the fall. I remember being in this really fancy house, but knowing all the corpses waited in the backyard. people (meghan rhodes was there, and lee loflin) would come in from their shifts in the backyard with their eyes glazed over,shaking and hollow from the horrors. Jusin VanWyk called, and told me people were being murdered, including a friend of his, and he was pissed and wanted the people responsible dead. I was the one responsible, because his friend had been one of the zombies. I didn't tell him, I just told him I was sorry and didn't know why people were disappearing. I walked away knowing that I could never be with the people I love again, could never talk to Brian easily again because the horrors I'd seen had changed me, and I could never tell him because he wouldn't believe me about the zombies, he'd think we'd just killed these people.
I woke up and it was one of those moments where there's this like inteeeeense relief and gratitude that that isn't your life.


then when I went back to bed, I had a dream in which Brian and I were in blacksburg, at his apartment. actually, I had just been at school and come from theatre, where I was supposed to be teching for a play. Danielle was there, pissing me off because she was being one of those people who doesn't have more authority than anyone else, but pretends that she does and orders people around anyways. Actually, though, I was very unprepared and was wearing flip flops, and I had to go to get a different pair of shoes. There was something about it being a boarding school, and Sarah Grant was my roommate or something. ANyways, I went to my Dad's to get shoes, but then I ran into Brian and went with him to his apartment, thinking that I would then walk to my mom's house and get my bike and head back to the school for the play. We were going to go fuck somewhere.. Tubby Phil's room, most likely.. but then his girlfriend, who was Alexandra Devonport oddly enough.. was in there. And then Tubby was, but he had long bleached hair with like a ponytair of dreadlocks which were kinda bleached, too.. I said nice hair, and we talked about the dreads for a bit- I felt them, and they were much smoother than Mattea's. Don't really remember everything that happened after that, I ended up kinda deciding not to bother going back to the school for the play.

I'll come back to the beginning, I don't remember it that well.. something about seeing my Dad outside at a cave club/work potluck and getting food. Later, though, I ran into BRian at this river/lake that was in Domican Republic with his group. We went out on the water with some leaders from the group and someone else- Kaitlyn or Anna? THey were spinning the raft (which was perfectly round) faster and faster, and then I realized Brian and Kaitlyn/Anna were gone from the raft, so I jumped off. I was caught in a kind of whirlpool at first caused by the spinning raft, but in a minute I was free and swimming. I saw Brian and swam to him. We were naked. Slowly I started swimming back to shore, me leading for the most part. At one point, I saw a few fishies and then a jellyfish and I steered us away from it. Again later I saw a much bigger stingy creature and it got a bit of my legs with its tentacles. Brian didn't seem to notice, just kept being like "come on, we're almost there" Eventually we got to land - swampy sort of land. I inspected my leg and there wasn't anything on it- no mark, no stinging. Brian (from 3rd floor Cone) asked what I was doing that night, and I said I didn't know, he said I should stay with him.